LAZINESS, OR SO I THOUGHT.

I will talk about laziness in a minute but first, let me give you a very shocking and contrasting observation that I have observed. Although, if truth be told, this just an excuse for me to digress. Now, my observation: Why did our fore fathers live longer in their days than we do in ours? I will answer that hopefully before the end of this world. I took out time to observe our fore fathers right from the time of the great deluge (i.e a very large rainfall), right after Adam and Eve learned to cultivate cassava and invented the first cassava meal: Tapioca (pronounced: Tar-pee-oh-car)
When our fore fathers, according to science, were a bunch of cave-dwelling homo-erectus who just wanted to eat raw meat and reproduce; hence their name:  Homo-erectus.
See table below for translation. Mind you this article is still about laziness.

WORD	TRANSLATION
Homo	Human male (Which would mean gay in any other context)
Hyphen (-)	Capable of
Erectus	I’m sure we all know what this means as regards reproduction.

However, that’s not the point; the point is that I observed them. Anyways, I observed that our ancestors worked really hard at their new found career – agriculture; which involved tilling the soil. They went out in the morning and tilled the earth all through the day; in the scorching sun and in the pouring rain. They worked till their backs were sore with pain and only took short breaks to eat raw meat; maybe a few ducks or a huge tapir; they also ate an unsuspecting relative who went out to fetch water for the tribe (that is why some of us never met our uncles) During the same break period, they took ample time out to reproduce; I do not want to go into details but it was a fairly complex process that, at some point, had something to do with their “erectus”. In addition, they had fruitful conversations like:

GRURD:      Uuuuh aaaah eeeeeh uuuh

MORG:       Ooooh eeeee whee whee  aaah?

GRURD:      Hmmm….uuuk uuuk.

Then suddenly, a series of dramatic events began to unfurl; events that later came to be known as renaissance but known in ancestral tongue as: Ooooeeei (Pronounced with eyes wide open for the surprise effect). One day, our ancestors smelled something sweet. They ran out and found that Grurd, one of our favourite ancestors, had only burned himself to death while trying to discover fire. They felt very concerned. So they ate his nephew. However, this was only the beginning; they made other useful discoveries, especially pertaining to animal husbandry and plant cultivation. They discovered that if they buried a seed in the ground, a tree would grow, which years later would produce fruits without any other ancestral influence such as, watering. They discovered that they could raise many sheep and fowls and train dogs to run after them to keep them in a single flock so they won’t stray. However, the dogs, for reasons best known to dogs alone, did not chase the flock; they ate the sheep and birds and ran after our ancestors instead. Meanwhile, some of our ancestors somewhere around the equator thought it was wiser to raise many children and train them to run after guinea-fowls in the bush, with spears, in order to catch them. Until one day the children will, while running, accidentally fall into a shallow pit, fortunately filled with mud and dry leaves and twigs……and hungry snakes.

They also stumbled across metals which they used to build heavy agricultural implements like breast-plates. They discovered that plants around the area where they defecated grew better than plants in other areas. This revolutionized their perception about plant growth and cultivation. So they started eating their poo. At the same time, it came to their primitive notice that all the relatives who were sent out to fetch drinking water never returned; they had escaped to a safe place where they would not be eaten by relatives, only by wild animals. And there they multiplied. That area is now known as China.

However, that’s not the point. The point is I started out thinking I was going to write about laziness but here I am writing silly observations about Neanderthals and australopeticus africanus, our ancestors, who strove hard to discover the things we all now enjoy, such as democracy and sex education. Quite frankly, I need help. But not before I render some to you. I would like to help you with some useful information.  If you remember correctly I asked a question at the beginning of this article. Why did our fore fathers live longer in their days than we do in ours? Well, as you have rightly guessed: It is because they ate their relatives. So if you want to live longer; eat a relative today, preferably a nephew. No, it’s not cannibalism; its life insurance, and family planning.

By the way, the forbidden fruit that Eve and Adam were tempted to eat was actually a huge tuber of yam, and not paw-paw as many people falsely believe.

N.B – If you are missing an uncle in your family, find time to go to China. I am quite sure he would be happy to see you.

That is if he has not been eaten by wild animals.